For you from your conscience self, F

If I screamed loud as i could i still don't think you'd hear me. If i could just shake scream stomp slap sleep fuck kiss love beat sense into that gorgeous head of yours. If i could just force you to understand.

I'm worth it. This is worth your time. This could be the very greatest thing of our lives. If only this would be something great and HAPPEN. I honestly do not believe anyone does, can, or will ever love you the way i do and want to.

I don't even want to ask. I hate waiting waiting and waiting never knowing. Catching little bursts here and then which only add to the reassurance that we are perfect for each other in our imperfection. No one knows either of us better than the other and there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that waking up in your arms and kissing you at the end of my favorite song is where i want to be. Nothing has ever felt that real or sure to me.

It just seems like the chance has passed us by so many other times, and it feels like it's here again. Like this could really happen. The world so rarely brings chances back around again and I wish I knew what to do. I don't know where your head or heart or anything at all is, but goddamn it why cant it just be where mine is?

TIME TIME TIME. Maybe that's the solution?
I'm too impatient damn it.
Isn't two years time enough?

I know you have a lot going on and you just got out of what you considered to be the greatest thing to happen to you. I know how much that hurts. I just want to fix it by loving you more, by loving you better, the way i always have. Not wanting to change a thing and seeing you're perfect the way you are.

I just want you for my own. Exactly the way you are. You're beautiful. You're perfect. I don't want you to change a single thing for me and without a doubt , you're the one i want. For so, so long. It's not going to change or go away. I'm not giving up because i don't fucking know how. I'd love to just let this go but I've been trying to let it go, to give up, to walk the fuck away for the past few years, but you're too worth it. Nothing can change that.

"Take time to realize this all can pass you by.
Didn't I tell you?
But I can't spell it out for you.
No, it's never gonna be that simple.
No, I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realize what I just realized,
Than we'd be perfect for each other,
And we'll never find another.
Just realize what I just realized,
We'd never have to wonder,
If we missed out on each other oh.

It's not the same.
No, it's never the same,
If you don't feel it too.
If you meet me halfway,
If you would meet me halfway,
It can be the same for you. "

P/S: Sorry for the last few months. Sorry that I missed out on your birthday. Sorry that  I treated you like shit for that duration. The truth is, I'm just not ready yet. Cheers :)