and Beshit Thyself

'Know Thyself'

by

Socrates

How do get a nice body without moving? By LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF. Self-confidence is a funny thing. It's ironic the whole phrase is aimed directly at self-confidence, yet we are so quick to discover our confidence through what other people may think. Self-confidence. Definition? Assurance: freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities...

If self-confidence is something we need to develop ourselves for ourselves, why are we so completely adamant to let others define it for us? Self-confidence isn't what we feel about ourselves, but how others feel about us, and we let them have that power; we let them make that decision. 

This isn't to say all people rely solely and directly on others opinions. Some rely on the face they see in the mirror, or the number they see on their scale, or the clothes they see in their closet. Others rely on their feelings of loneliness throughout childhood, or the mean words of a girl in high school, or the kind of love they have received in the past. For whatever reason, we have come to believe that our past determines who we are, the love we have received is the love we deserve, and the imperfections in ourselves, ultimately determine who we are. If these things my dear friends, are what define us, the way we feel about ourselves will destroy us.

For myself, as a twenty one year old boy (yes I am), I have flirted with each of those sources in hopes of validation. I too, have betrayed myself, only to appease another's opinion. Why do I do that?

Lately - I have come to realize more so than ever - that no matter who I'm looking at in the mirror, it will only be that; a reflection of my exterior. I might be having a great hair day, and I might have a super cute shirt on, but I will never be able to satisfy the worlds high expectations, and once you let go of that feeling of desperation to do so, you will be exalted. Once your only sense of security comes from what your own self, which in return, results in how you feel about yourself, you will be freed, in every sense of the word.  When I am in my room, giving a deep thought about it, that is when I catch a glimpse of myself, and not as an imperfect, mortal twenty one year old boy, but as an eternal being and another random God's creation.

I absolutely believe we should take care of ourselves on the outside, the best possible way we know how. In fact, I believe in large part that is something that makes life so wonderful, but do not let it consume you, do not let it take over, and do not let it take precedence of what really matters. I, from personal experience, have discovered buying a book (the one that has words in it) instead of an extra pair of shoes, has brought me more comfort. I have found that the extra ten minutes spent in front of the mirror every morning, is much more rewarding if I pull a book out instead. If I come across a girl who isn't quite 'up to par' with Hollywood's ideas, I have found that if I look inside her eyes and see her light, I walk away much better than I would if I were to point my finger, and thoughtlessly say something insensitive. Humans can be so ruthless.

To live in the world but not of the world... right? It is easier said than done, but if that is our goal, if we truly desire to live that way, we will receive the help we need, and certainly, it would help us to develop the self-confidence we so often wish we had. The Lord works from the inside out is a true sentiment, and I have come to deeply love and appreciate those words. What if we each believed that? Well, I can only imagine it would be a much prettier place to live.

True Story.

It's 8:00 A.M. You clock in, and see your buddy John chewing the fat with that asshole James. Wow!, you think to yourself, John sure is acting all buddy-buddy with James. I thought he hated him! You decide to sneak up and listen in on them, and there they are; making fun of you the same way John makes fun of James!

So first of all, let’s define what we are talking about here. A Two-Face is someone in your workplace, it could be a co-worker or a boss, that shows you one side of their personality when dealing with you, but when not in your presence, displays completely different tendencies. Typically, when interacting face to face with them, they are cordial, agreeable, cooperative, etc. However, overall the relationship is dysfunctional because they act the complete opposite when not in your presence. They could be spreading gossip, rumours, undermining your work/taking credit for it, or it could be the boss that gives you the line, “that wasn’t what I told you wanted.” Or possibly, you are dealing with someone whose personality seems to change each day/hour you deal with them so you never which ‘self’ you are going to get when dealing with them. 


Now allow me take you back at bit. What do you do? Do you step up and loudly clear your throat? Do you tap John on the shoulder, and lay him out when he turns around? Do you lock yourself in the gents and cry like a little girl? Seriously, there are ways to handle two-faced people at the job tactfully, diplomatically, and matter-of-factly!

There is no catch-all solution for handling this bothersome problem. Personally, I like to handle such things on a situational basis. But first and foremost, you must realize something about yourself: YOU AIN'T GODDAMN SPECIAL!

That's fucking right! When So-n-so runs his pickle-washer about everyone else in the plant, what makes YOU so special that you're the only one he respects? Trust me, no matter how much the two-faced dog kisses your behind to your face, he is disrespecting you behind your back, just like everybody else! Realizing this unfortunate reality is the first step to handling these pests.

Having said that, this is one reason I have always believed in keeping your work life separate from your private life. Compartmentalization is a GOOD thing, I don't care what anybody says. Be cordial and helpful with your coworkers, but don't get sucked into the little soap operas that seem to always unfold no matter where you work. Stay out of gossip circles. Politely refuse to listen to anybody rant and rave about other workers or bosses.

Sometimes, you can't get away from the two-faced rat running his mouth. That's when you ignore him. As you let him rattle away, your replies should not contain more than three words: "Mmmm.", "Mmmm?", and "MMMMM!". Don't offer opinions one way or the other on the person being gossipped about, because these losers will always double-cross you. 

Obviously if your workplace Two-Face is your boss you have big problems. You need to get a grip on how to deal with this situation asap or your work life is going to be hell. It is not much easier if that person is a co-worker, but it is far more manageable. 

Stupid, ain't it? But hey, keeps me busy and with things to look forward to. Anyways. I think I'm done for now.