True Story.

It's 8:00 A.M. You clock in, and see your buddy John chewing the fat with that asshole James. Wow!, you think to yourself, John sure is acting all buddy-buddy with James. I thought he hated him! You decide to sneak up and listen in on them, and there they are; making fun of you the same way John makes fun of James!

So first of all, let’s define what we are talking about here. A Two-Face is someone in your workplace, it could be a co-worker or a boss, that shows you one side of their personality when dealing with you, but when not in your presence, displays completely different tendencies. Typically, when interacting face to face with them, they are cordial, agreeable, cooperative, etc. However, overall the relationship is dysfunctional because they act the complete opposite when not in your presence. They could be spreading gossip, rumours, undermining your work/taking credit for it, or it could be the boss that gives you the line, “that wasn’t what I told you wanted.” Or possibly, you are dealing with someone whose personality seems to change each day/hour you deal with them so you never which ‘self’ you are going to get when dealing with them. 


Now allow me take you back at bit. What do you do? Do you step up and loudly clear your throat? Do you tap John on the shoulder, and lay him out when he turns around? Do you lock yourself in the gents and cry like a little girl? Seriously, there are ways to handle two-faced people at the job tactfully, diplomatically, and matter-of-factly!

There is no catch-all solution for handling this bothersome problem. Personally, I like to handle such things on a situational basis. But first and foremost, you must realize something about yourself: YOU AIN'T GODDAMN SPECIAL!

That's fucking right! When So-n-so runs his pickle-washer about everyone else in the plant, what makes YOU so special that you're the only one he respects? Trust me, no matter how much the two-faced dog kisses your behind to your face, he is disrespecting you behind your back, just like everybody else! Realizing this unfortunate reality is the first step to handling these pests.

Having said that, this is one reason I have always believed in keeping your work life separate from your private life. Compartmentalization is a GOOD thing, I don't care what anybody says. Be cordial and helpful with your coworkers, but don't get sucked into the little soap operas that seem to always unfold no matter where you work. Stay out of gossip circles. Politely refuse to listen to anybody rant and rave about other workers or bosses.

Sometimes, you can't get away from the two-faced rat running his mouth. That's when you ignore him. As you let him rattle away, your replies should not contain more than three words: "Mmmm.", "Mmmm?", and "MMMMM!". Don't offer opinions one way or the other on the person being gossipped about, because these losers will always double-cross you. 

Obviously if your workplace Two-Face is your boss you have big problems. You need to get a grip on how to deal with this situation asap or your work life is going to be hell. It is not much easier if that person is a co-worker, but it is far more manageable. 

Stupid, ain't it? But hey, keeps me busy and with things to look forward to. Anyways. I think I'm done for now.