A kid with no ambition

You never know unless you try it yourself. Once you had tried it, then will you know. Then when you knew, it hurts like hell. To acknowledge something unacceptable about your true self. What you believe in for so long, then once acknowledged something about it, it just gone in mere seconds. Life isn't a fairytale, its cruel and unfair. Sometimes what you planned doesn't turned out as you expected. 

What's my purpose in this life? I feel like I don't belong in this world. I always believed my future lay outside the realms of academic achievement. I don't want to be a scientist, astronaut or some fancy profession that require me to go back to school, no. That's why I didn't continue my study after SPM. I just don't feel like it. The world is the best University for me. It teaches me the skills and knowledge to survive in this world and the hereafter. I like arts, video games. I want to be a games programmer, it was my childhood dream to become one. But then when I realised how difficult it is to be one, I just gave up. Yes, I do have the mindset of 'Nothing is Impossible' in life, but I have to live in the reality too. I'm intrigued by wroting and acting too. I like to write. Its my way to express myself. Then I change my life purpose to be writer and actor, but when I found out how absurdly treacherous that path is, like a toddler who failed in his 1st attempt to ride a bike, I gave up. Confused is best word to describe what I'm going through right now. When I read novels or short stories, I feel small to compare with the other writers. I mean their works are really astonishing compared to mine. To write something interesting, you ought to have the knowledge of language itself, to choose the right word so it may pique an interest towards the readers. Unfortunately for me, I don't have those. I mean I can talk and understand but that are just modern words, its too casual. Who want to read that. I'm still working on my writing skills. Mainly with poems from time to time. My surrounding and people in life are my inspiration. 

'Untuk menulis sebuah novel, kita haruslah membaca 40 buah novel sehari baru boleh menulis'. 

I don't have an idea who said that.

Was he being literally or just talk? I mean it would be forever for me to read 40 novels. I got other obligations too. I don't want to make writing seems like a job to me, but I want people to understand what messages I'm trying to send in my stories. I don't want to live in my own world, where I'm the only one that understand my own story. That just sad.

Well that's all my lol for today. I'm gonna post up some of poems later on. Peace out. Assalamualaikum.